$5,000 to get coached, marketed and published. Published! I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think about anything else.
But it’s so expensive. Our house could be livable with $5,000, my family settled. It’s probably a slimey marketing scam.
I asked seven authors their personal stories.
“Author Academy Elite will give you the resources to publish,” they said.
Darn. Now I have to decide. I was afraid to let my husband see me smile. It was easier to say I was terrified than to let on that I was excitedly high.
Adrenaline. I was looking what I’ve always wanted in the eye while my mind gave a safety talk.
Am I a good enough writer to invest $5,000? Am I an author or a selfish dreamer? Missionaries or other people’s dreams could use this money.
“What did you just tell Matt about your finances?” God asked.
“That we’re so blessed we should give like we’re rich. But, God, this isn’t giving. It’s keeping.”
“You’ll never give generously until you receive generously. You’re worth $5,000.”
“I am? I know I was praying and fasting when you showed me Author Academy Elite, but I need another sign.”
My gut was stormy ocean. My mind was pacing. My body was frozen. So many emotions I just whined and stood in Matt’s arms.
On decision day I was still a tug of war rope. My terror confirmed I had to, but I didn’t want to be selfish.
“To obey is better than sacrifice, Mary.” It felt like, knock it off. “Stubbornness is like witchcraft.”
“But I’m being stubborn for the right reasons, God.”
“Your sacrifices aren’t holy. You have value because I love you. You’re an author because I made you an author just like I made you a girl.”
Wow. I’m rebelling against God’s plan when I thought I was trying to be good.
Friends, I am an author not because I like writing, not even when I write well. I’m an author because that’s what God made me.
You’ve listened to the stories of God’s glory in my messy life. I’ve been honest because shared struggles encourage, and you’ve been just as real when I’ve interviewed you.
We’ve credited God in the days we drink coffee, which for me is every day and even more on hard days.
But I’ve been hiding God’s biggest glory in my life because I’m afraid to lose image. I was a crying 8-year-old who tried to earn love by being good and responsible. Then God taught me his love as a 21-year-old professional who was shaking, too terrified to sleep, lying all night next to my mother. God smothered me in his love by taking away everything I thought could earn it.
Next year, I’ll be publishing the story I’ve been too embarrassed to tell my family. I’m sharing the story of being diagnosed with bipolar because it’s God’s story. He entrusted me to give it to you.