Today we were going to wire the lights and start painting the cabinets. Instead, we removed the hardware and glued the fascia to the wrong side of the cabinet. We didn’t even sand yet.
We’ll never finish at this rate. Everything from my brain to my toes is tense and tired. We have to work faster and more efficiently, start earlier. Maybe if I just paint these light sockets, I’ll feel like I accomplished something today.
I accomplished something all right–crashing before I spent a minute with my husband.
And now it’s Sunday. Do I work, or do I rest?
“God, it’ll take forever to finish the house if we only work one full day a week. We’re just extra busy right now.”
“Even during plowing and harvest you must rest.”
“Really? Even if my food for the year depends on how much I get done right now, you want me to rest?”
So I stop. Slowly every muscle unclenches. My brain starts to breathe, finally powered by sleep not caffeine.
Stopping long enough to look around, I am amazed the world keeps spinning. Nothing falls apart when I take a break. Maybe the world doesn’t spin on my energy. I’m not the one who orchestrates renovations or life organization.
Every good thing is from God. In work mode, I was stealing the credit and carrying the responsibility.
Then I give God a day and realize he’s really giving me a day. He’s taking care of everything while I rest. I guess he always has been.
The cool idea for the light fixtures, God gave me that. Matt’s mental capacity to figure out electrical work, God gave him that. The mother who ran my errands and unscrewed all my cabinet hardware, she’s from God too. Even our ability to earn a living and afford this house is from God.
The longer I work non-stop, the more I think my efforts are controlling something. If I don’t do anything, nothing gets done, I think.
But then I stop, and it’s like the magic that happens when a computer reboots.
Maybe that’s the point. When I think the world will fall apart unless I keep working, that’s exactly when I need Sabbath rest. God’s the one renovating my house anyways. Trying to push God just makes me tired.