Hurt, anger and brokenness are scarier than heights or spiders. Emotional needs slap me in the face.
“You can’t even face your own emotions, Mary,” they jeer. “You’ve caused this exact hurt. You’ve been the self-righteous jerk. You’ve failed yourself, how can you help others?”
I can research legal questions, but how can I heal a relationship? How can I help someone else emotionally? That toolbox is empty. What if I just make things worse?
“Shh.” God said, “If it’s heavy, it’s not your burden.”
“You sweat drops of blood, God. And this is pretty dang heavy. All I want is what you want–restoration.”
“What I give you to carry is light.”
“Healing with my words and actions? No matter how hard I try, even if my heart is loving, it’s never worked before.”
“Who saves you, Mary?”
“You do, Jesus.”
“Who saves the people you love?”
He’s right. I’m trying to heal these relationships. To be a perfect wife, friend, person to fix this situation. Every act of service, every conversation, every chore I measure by the outcome.
“Healing is my job, Mary. Just trust and obey.”
I thought about every word before I said it. I tried to be like Jesus, to love, to be gracious, to bring healing. There were moments of connection, but I can’t heal relationships. I guess only God can fill emotional and spiritual needs. Only God can bring salvation.
Just trust and obey.