I Make Up Reality

My husband didn’t text me back. He’s either busy at work or doesn’t think I’m worth a response. I unconsciously choose reality.

But I have a good beat on people, and I’m not dramatic, I tell myself. Besides if it was important to me, I would have found time to respond, at least over lunch break.

Then I realize Matt had lunch plans. I chose the wrong reality, again. Truth wasn’t even a considered option. I was irritated, hurt, and tore Matt down over motivations I made up in my head.

I’m one heck of a storyteller. Not when I’m writing fiction but every moment of every day. My memories and perceptions are transcriptions of a story. But are they true stories?

I’ve seen journalism that’s about as true as sci-fi. Are my unbiased stories similar? Every word I hear, every facial expression I interpret are filtered through my perceptions. Then my memory only adds a second filter.

But are my filters distortions? Are my memories and perceptions of relationships based on fiction I call truth? That’s terrifying. I can’t even imagine the extent of destruction I’ve created.

But it’s just fiction. I can bend spoons and dodge bullets. I don’t need to get rid of the bullets. I just need to see them for what they really are, for what God says they are. I am in the Matrix. My reality isn’t true, and I’m just visiting this world.

God is truth, and heaven is my home.

I can’t say, “It’s just reality. Matt didn’t prioritize texting me back.”

Outside of my Matrix, I doubt that’s what God sees. My childhood and my relationships are fiction unless I remember and perceive like God does.

“These bullet lies are dodgeable,” God said. “Believe me, and I’ll transform your past, present, and future in the midst of circumstances.”

“Matt shows me everyday how much he loves me. God help me dodge my reality lies and trust your story. Help change the past and the present by seeing your story.”

Did the hurts in my childhood ruin me or give me a chance to be a part of God comforting others? Do I see how much pain I’ve been through, or do I see how much God’s saved me from? Do I see my own hurt in a relationship, or do I see someone God loves?

Those questions just show how far I am from seeing God’s story. But there is a true story, and it’s not the reality in my mind. I want to leave the Matrix and make heaven my home. 

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